Archive for Motivation

I knew that buying the BodyBugg would bring a new awareness and accountability to my weight loss plan.  For that, it’s doing exactly what it should do.  But it’s only a tool, and only as good as how I use it.

I knew that it would be an eye opener.  So far, I am finding that my calorie burns are differnet than I expected, machines told me, and even the personal trainers had suggested.  So they think that hard circuit would burn at least 600 calories off my 270lb body?  Wrong.  How about 350. 

Little things like that are helping me make better choices and manage my calories in and out.  Why do the elliptical at a 10-12 calorie per minute burn when interval running will burn 15 calories? (Unless I need a rest from running).  Why do the rower when it’s no better than walking.  Oh, all that stuff is still great for variety and the impact on my body’s fitness and I will keep doing them, but at least I know…in a pinch for time?  need to get the most bang for the buck?  I’ll know what to do.

And then there’s my intake.  After having gone from 350 lbs at one time to now 270lbs, weight loss was waning.  Partially because I am so fit.  I’m like a mack truck, powerful and tight.   I fit my whole 270lbs into a 14/16.  I’m more an XL than a 1X (where I once was a 30/32 and a 3/4x.  I knew that now at this weight, nutrition was going to be key.

Crimeny.  I wish it weren’t so.  I wish it were all about activity.  THAT I have no problem with.  I enjoy the gym, the challenge, the time there that’s all about me.  I did start to burn out a bit and my 2 hour 6 days a week routine has been shaved in lieu of sleep, so I’m down to 70-90 minutes 4-5x a week.  But I burn like made in the gym.  That’s not my issue.

The goal with my BodyBugg counselor is for me to have a 1000 calorie deficit off my intake so that I’m “guaranteed” to hit deficit if I don’t workout.  And then my workouts become bonus.  That’s fine, wise even, but now with my little gadget I’m seeing my reality.  You know, that awareness I talked about.

Like, how a little stop at the candy bowl by my friends desk can shave 100 calories off real food just for that sweet tooth.  Or like how I avoided the cupcakes in the breakroom yesterday so I could have a better dinner of Thanksgiving leftovers.

I knew I was struggling with food a bit.  I have a sweet tooth.  I emotionally eat due to stress at work and at night due to boredom.  And then there’s the fact that if I burned an extra 1400 calories over my deficit for the day, I go into automatic pilot and want to eat. Fuel and all.  And then there are just the binges.  Last night, those convenient little 100 calorie packs of chips I thought I’d try for the first time this week?  Not so good for you if you eat 5 over 5 hours….

So, it’s all on me and I feel powerless.  I feel out of control.  I feel unable to manage this.  At least not in one fell swoop.  So I’m doing it bit by bit.  The first thing I did my first week was just live as I felt, ate what I wanted and learned about my burns, this second week, I’m attempting to eat only 1700 calories, which on some days feels like so little.  It is, when your day is a breakfast sandwich, an apple, a lunch sandwich, an apple, and a veggie and protein dinner that wipes out your calories for the day.  I know that I will soon see the changes I could make to help me a long, cutting here, cutting there.

So now I’m having to relearn myself, food, and damn, it’s frustrating.  But I don’t regret my tool.  The BB is shining a light on the dark.  Eventually I’ll make my way.



With a goal of 170lbs, I have 101 lbs to lose.  I must lose 2lbs a week on average to do this by this time next year.  That means, no excuses.  I must do the plan, live the math (calories in/calories out).  So I have to remind myself why I want this and those wants have to be big enough to sustain me.

  • I want to see life from the perspective of someone who is fit.  I have been chubby to fat my whole life.  I don’t know thin-ness.
  • I want to be active and not have weight limiting me. (Recently I went rock wall climbing and couldn’t do the last few feet.  Besides my fear of heights, I was trying to move 100 extra pounds straight up a wall.)
  • I want to be healthy.  I don’t want the diseases obesity can bring on (diabetes, cancer, etc.).  I also know that more weight loss would ease certain issues I have right now (chronic pulled gluteus medius; patella femoral syndrome).
  • I want to be perceived as normal.  Right now I get the “You’re not fat” from some, contrasted with the looks from others who think I’m a whale.  I want to never feel that disparaging look from others of being abnormal again.
  • I want to provide a healthy body for a baby to grow.  Right now, I do not have a partner, but am contemplating conception and parenting with a gay friend.  I need to be as healthy as possible to make this happen.
  • I want to encourage a romantic life.  Course this means I have to get rid of my emotional walls (that’s another topic altogether), but I do want to rid myself of my physical one.  Nothing says Stay Away more than fat.
  • I would love to become a personal trainer.  Maybe it would be a part-time job, maybe a career change.  But while I’ve had many in my gym find me motivational, no one will hire a PT who is this overweight….